Life is Full of Disappointment.

On my "While we live in California" bucket list was; "cuddle with a koala bear at the San Diego zoo. Apparently, while they appear docile, they can be hostile, and no one is allowed to get near them.

On the weekend when I have the most work to do and the most chores, I am averaging about 3 hours of sleep a night and am unable to breathe out of both nostrils simultaneously.

Kathy is trying to seduce Jim on "The Office." I know the show is fictional. but I care, okay? Brian is the Jim to my Pam, so I take this personally.

My mums aren't doing so well. *sigh*

I finished a book, I was really rooting for the author, and while there were great moments, it was disappointing. *sigh*

I'm sighing a lot lately. When I'm not coughing, I'm using the last of another box of tissues, or wishing it was safe for me to cook the chicken parmigiana I've been wanted to make for a week.

*sigh*

Movies I Have Not Seen All the Way Through

The Matrix (I know, I know)

Sleepless in Seattle (apparently this is chick blasphemy)

My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Sixteen Candles

Jerry Maguire

the second disc of Gone with the Wind (sigh)

In love with...

planning trips to used book stores

Ward Jenkins illustrations

fresh cantaloupe

NPR

four hour naps

reading til my eyes hurt. worth it.

Lately...

soft v neck tees

rolled-up jeans

eating lots of fruit

Billy Collins poetry. wow.

Sharon Olds poetry. also, wow.

Bon Iver, maybe

growing out my hair

reading: Krauss, O'Brien, Gilman, Chopin, and as many amazing authors as I can.

put on eyeliner without stabbing myself in the eye

nothing exciting, but very satisfying.

Letters.

Dear red Target sneakers, thanks for being adorable, comfortable, and only $12.

Dear golf lesson, thanks for going well. I really chipping, and apparently my short game is my advantage. This might be my instructor's way of nicely saying that I stink with my driver, but that's okay with me.

Dear mums and herbs on the porch, I am so sorry I forgot to water you yesterday. Thanks for hanging in there. You are living proof that when I actually remember to water and prune, I can keep plants alive like a normal, well-adjusted adult.

Dear litterer, you keep dumping trash into the parking spot next my my car. I'm not sure why, since there are plenty of trash cans and recycling bins in the mail room a short walk away. You are being yucky and lazy, but since I don't know who you are, I will keep being the grown-up and picking up after you.

Dear world, do any actual adults use the word "grown-up" any more? Let me know.

Dear Sprinkles, your chocolate marshmallow and salted caramel cupcakes are heavenly. and so, so rich. and so, so expensive. Thank you for the moments of bliss, but I also thank you for being just far enough away that there will be no, "oh, well, I'm only 5 minutes away from Sprinkles, so I might as well just stop in a get a dozen cupcakes." That would be madness.

Dear Weekly Game Night, you're pretty awesome and I'm glad I invented you. good food, good friends, hilarious games, and giggling girls rolling their eyes at the boys rolling their eyes back at the giggling girls. So fun! I hope you stick around.

An Entire Box of Tissues in the Washing Machine.

The story:

Somehow an entire box of Kleenex ended up in the washing machine with my load of colors. How?, you ask. I HAVE NO IDEA. How does one rectify such a strange occurrence?

Step 1: Freak out and pray that you haven't damaged/totaled the washing machine, as it belongs to the apartment complex and not you.

Step 2: Pull handfuls of strange white and gray and brown soggy fluff out of the washing machine, dump it into the trash can, and get it all over the kitchen in the process.

Step 3: Wonder what it is. And why this is taking so long.

Step 4: Take all the severely-soggy-fluffed clothes and stuff them into the dryer just to get them out of the way.

Step 5: Realize, as soon as this is done, that now not one, but two of your appliances will now be covered with soggy fluff.

Step 6: cry a little bit.

Step 7: pull up your big girl panties (so to speak) and figure out a plan. This will involve: pulling the clothes back out of the dryer and putting them in a clean laundrey basket. The clean laundrey basket is now covered in soggy fluff. Grrrreat. Next, drag the laundrey basket onto the balcony, and deal with it later. Come back inside, notice that now there is soggy fluff tracked through the kitchen, dining room, and living room. uh huh. cry a little more.

Step 8: step back and tearfully marvel at the mess before you. wet a few clean washcloths and set to work scrubbing all the fluffy stuff out of the washing machine. Then run that stupid evil horrible no good very bad washing machine in hopes that lots of clean water will flush out the rest of the tiny microscopic soggy fluff so that the rest of the laundrey will not be ruined.

Step 8: go outside and vigorously shake out as much fluffy stuff from the clothes (onto the deck) as possible. It feels like a very strange, hostile snowfall, and passersby and neighbors seem concerned. Lay clothes on a chair and troop back inside to deal with the dryer (also to avoid stares of concern from aforementioned passersby.)

Step 9: Get down on your hands and knees with new clean damp washcloths and start scrubbing the soggy fluff out of the dryer. shovel handfuls out of it into a trash can, trailing soggy fluff residue onto your previously-somewhat clean kitchen floor. weep. this will never end.

Step 10: Go back outside, put the slightly-less-soggy-and-fluffed clothes into yet another clean laundrey hamper and drag it inside. Dark wash jeans look like they got into a nasty fight with a long-haired poodle with dandruff. This is not good. weep some more. it's okay, just let it out.

Step 11: proceed to wash by hand every article of clothing from the fluffy/soggy/evil laundrey basket of doom. with your own tears mixed in. realize that it is now cooling off outside and the clothes are entire too soggy and drenched to be dried outside, and will also take eternity (and shrink to fit an American Girl doll) to dry in the now-clean dryer. weep some more.

Step 12: check the washer now that it is done washing itself. shed a few more tears when you realize how much higher this month's water bill will be. wipe out the last remaining shreds of evil horrible soggy fluff and throw the clothes in, realizing that the spin cycle will spin the excess water out of these stupid horrible clothes and we might just be on the way to fixing this whole mess.

Step 13: sit on the couch, drink a glass of water, and wish it was a margarita.

Step 14-Step One Zillion: process to get back up, sweep all remnants of evil soggy fluff (which has now been determined to be a kleenex box due to a tell-tale plastic wrapper and the pattern on cardboard pieces) from the porch. traipse back inside, and vacuum all signs of this whole ordeal from the living and dining room, and sweep it from the kitchen.

Step: Eighty-Four-Thousand: throw the clothes in the dryer, no longer caring if there is fluff on anything, immediately walk around the house and hide all boxes of Kleenex from sight as they are now repulsive, make a pot of chili, and sit back down.

But the question still remains.

HOW DID A BOX OF KLEENEX END UP IN THE WASHING MACHINE?

Furthermore...how did I not notice?

Concise.

I made many New Year's Resolutions, but the top two are:

1. Run 212 miles in 2012. (this, for me, includes elliptical miles, but each elliptical mile only counts for 1/2 mile. My knees are in terrible shape, so this is a compromise.)

Progress: 2 down, 210 to go.

2. Read 52 books in 2010. 3 down, 49 to go.

Cheers!

Random Ramblings

that somewhat but not totally encapsulate this past year, from my journal and saved texts. Happy New Year!

1. Where are men finding denim shorts? Yikes. I hate men's denim shorts.

2. I am wearing polka dot socks today.

3. Can't believe I actually dreamed that I was teamed up with Harry and Ron, and was packing food into a backpack because we were on the run from Voldemort. Seriously? Strange.

4. Yep, for whatever reason, my subconscious has the hots for washed-out 90s actors.

5. Have you seen Vh1 lately? I was channelsurfing the other night and had no idea they are still making pop up videos!

6. Fedoras. People in fedoras cannot be trusted.

7. "Heart in a box, what should I put on my sandwich?"

8. I am officially becoming one of those people who drinks pomegranate juice. So trendy.

9. I think today I am the definition of hot mess.

10. I have a cramp in my pinky finger from my golf lesson.

Wierd year. Cheers to another wierd and happy year!

...Lately.

Random list of things that have happened/crossed my mind lately.

1. I love Tina Fey's book, so I thought I would love Mindy Kaling's book, but... well, I don't remember anything from Mindy's book. and I read it two days ago.

2. Apparently it is the law in California that all women wear tights as pants. Even flesh-colored ones. so not cool.

3. I spilled a huge cup of coffee in the produce section of the grocery store. On the one day over Christmas break that I have actually woken up at a decent hour, showered, put on makeup, and real clothes. Of course. The universe was just balancing out.

4. For some reason, people discussing their recipes in the grocery store as "moist" creeped me out. Because the word "moist" is creepy.

5. I am slightly obsessed with any movie or show that Steve Carrell is in. I love him, a lot. Like, too much.

Two Christmas Parties in One Night....

1. meant that I came home with a purse full of homemade lumpia (Filipino food is SO good) and homemade, hand-decorated iced sugar cookies.

2. also means that I left my apartment at 5:15 to get through traffic, and didn't get home until after 2 am. UNHEARD of in my "old married lady" universe.

3. means that I haven't smiled that much in one night in a long time!

4. mean that between the eighteen-million-dozen mini quiches, candy canes, handful of baby carrots, and pita chips, I am the size of a blimp and have a crazy sugar headache this morning.

5. mean that I got to experience hot cocoa with whipped cream and sprinkles ON TOP of a layer of marshmallows. oh yeah. also, see "crazy sugar headache" above.

6. meant that I was actually so caught up in holiday fun that I forgot all about the magazines at home I haven't read yet. I have a social life again! Hurrah!

Now that finals are over...

I don't fall asleep repeating Spanish conjugations to myself.

I don't plan my days activities based on which papers I need to outline and pull quotes for.

I have no excuse for the trash that needs to go out, the pile of laundrey that needs to be folded, or the fridge that really needs to be cleaned out.

I have time to read the magazines I've been getting for the past two months.

there is time for a social life.

but instead, I am sitting on my couch in pajama pants, watching "Bones" reruns and drinking lukewarm coffee.

I have time to finally find the perfect pair of boots, and hit Trader Joe's for ginger snaps.

Christmas Things

that I don't like.

eggnog. it's in the name, I think. Egg (not something I want to drink), nog (what is a nog?) gross.

Carolers. awkward. It's so hard to not make eye contact, because then you have to pretend that you're enjoying the music. but you're not.

mall Santa Claus guys. sitting on a strange man's lap? no thanks.

fruitcake. does anyone actually eat it? I've never seen anyone eat it. It does, however, make an excellent doorstop. or paperweight.

Finished, and not yet Started

I am finished with:

making my own brilliant study guide for Art History

writing my term paper

writing my Spanish composition

cleaning my formerly disgusting kitchen

beginning my laundrey (yeah, finished with beginning, makes no sense, forgive me)

Christmas shopping/wrapping/shipping

my golf lesson for the day

I have not yet begun:

my online Spanish homework

memorizing 100+ images for my art history exam

reviewing notes for my other exams

baking cinnamon rolls for Christmas

meal planning or grocery shopping for any reasonable "real" food

doing any exercise beyond a weekly golf lesson and dragging textbooks up and down the hills of campus

Today...

slept in a little bit. oops.

drank a LOT of coffee. as in, I am out of KCups.

finished art history study guide.

typed two page essay in Spanish.

outlined my term paper, and am halfway complete (met and went beyond my goal)

my apartment is a disgusting mess.

husband surprised me with pizza and breadsticks since he knew I wouldn't have energy to cook for either of us and didn't want me to have to live off of Ritz crackers and ginger ale.

really cute little hummingbird enjoyed our hummingbird feeder.

hit writer's block.

so NOW I get to go to target to pick up a snack for small group.

bags under my eyes getting bigger and purple-r.

can't wait until finals are OVER.

this week.

last classes of the semester.

lots of coffee.

"The Office" on dvd.

making study guides for final exams.

bags under eyes.

15 page paper.

got a belated but amazing birthday package.

study schedule just to get things done.

headaches.

hoping just to survive.

Little Letters

Dear back muscles,

nice to meet you. until we started taking golf lessons, I didn't even know you were back there. I promise to get you some icy hot today.

Dear person who set off the building's carbon monoxide alarm at one in the morning,

I hope whatever you were baking was worth it.

Dear Microsoft Word,

you are not allowing me to format my paper the way I need to. I don't appreciate the attitude.

Dear Walt Whitman,

Thanks for writing a poem that is eighty-four-zillion pages long, and making sure that it was assigned reading the same weekend that I have eighty-five-zillion papers to write.

Dear Season 1 of The Office on DVD and my cup of coffee,

don't let me down today. you're the only ones I can count on.

Dear husband,

your ability to sleep through eighteen minutes of a blaring alarm and my angry grumbling continues to amaze me. you are very cute, and along with The Office and coffee, are the only reason I will be able to get through today.

There is nothing like being recognized.

I came home after a moderately rough Monday to a letter from my little brother, and a surprise birthday package from my best friend. Both made me feel instantly recognized; they knew exactly what I needed, and that the things below make me feel most like myself in the best way.

New York Times sections wadded up to pack the box instead of styrofoam peanuts.

adorable little boy handwriting that says, in the opening line, "I miss you," and almost makes me cry like a baby.

a movie on DVD that looks incredible and worth staying up late for.

a coffee mug with a special saying and that's big enough to hold a LOT of coffee.

gifts wrapped in gorgeous elephant/Indian mehendi printed paper.

handmade garland to decorate my home office

so much love and care and fun and insight into me packed into a box and an envelope that I somehow feel like despite my insane schedule and that I still don't feel at home in this big wierd state and that the holidays are coming up which kind of freaks me out, that everything is still okay, and that I'm still me.

What Happens When I Grocery Shop Without a List

Cheez-its.

two cans of mandarin oranges.

being absolutely stumped on how to feed my husband and I during the last three weeks of classes.

lots of coffee and creamer.

brussels sprouts.

two slices of pancetta.

lots of raspberry lemonade.

popsicles.

a huge caramel latte from Starbucks to get me through the rest of the insane shopping trip.

stuff that makes me cringe

earrings.

thinking about wearing earrings.

those big gauge earrings. why? your ears will never be the same again.

super public wedding proposals.

Zumba.

leggings as pants. As in, without a top of any kind that covers, well, what should be covered.

when people say the way that other languages are spoken are "wrong."

bedazzled jeans.

pictures of myself in high school.

when other people stub their toes. ouch!

little girls wearing "teen" clothes in public.

how I always seem to over mix my muffin dough and they always come out rubbery.

Today

I am thankful for...

a husband who insists on making me confetti cake for my birthday by himself.

delicious confetti cake.

finally being caught up on the reading for one of my Lit classes.

a patient golf pro.

a crystal vase with candy canes in it. makes me feel sort of Christmas classy. not really.

ok, just thankful for candy canes.

birthday cards in the mail that make me feel special.

leftover lasagna for dinner. it's always better the next day.

sweet family with cute blogs that I can stalk because they have the cutest family and the best recipes; you know who you are. ;) so glad we're family.

my amazing mom who taught me, well, pretty much every piece of common sense and wisdom I have.

seeing my husband's sweet face light up when he surprises me with "Happy Birthday" banners decorating the kitchen. Knowing that making me happy makes him happy makes me happy... :)