The story:
Somehow an entire box of Kleenex ended up in the washing machine with my load of colors. How?, you ask. I HAVE NO IDEA. How does one rectify such a strange occurrence?
Step 1: Freak out and pray that you haven't damaged/totaled the washing machine, as it belongs to the apartment complex and not you.
Step 2: Pull handfuls of strange white and gray and brown soggy fluff out of the washing machine, dump it into the trash can, and get it all over the kitchen in the process.
Step 3: Wonder what it is. And why this is taking so long.
Step 4: Take all the severely-soggy-fluffed clothes and stuff them into the dryer just to get them out of the way.
Step 5: Realize, as soon as this is done, that now not one, but two of your appliances will now be covered with soggy fluff.
Step 6: cry a little bit.
Step 7: pull up your big girl panties (so to speak) and figure out a plan. This will involve: pulling the clothes back out of the dryer and putting them in a clean laundrey basket. The clean laundrey basket is now covered in soggy fluff. Grrrreat. Next, drag the laundrey basket onto the balcony, and deal with it later. Come back inside, notice that now there is soggy fluff tracked through the kitchen, dining room, and living room. uh huh. cry a little more.
Step 8: step back and tearfully marvel at the mess before you. wet a few clean washcloths and set to work scrubbing all the fluffy stuff out of the washing machine. Then run that stupid evil horrible no good very bad washing machine in hopes that lots of clean water will flush out the rest of the tiny microscopic soggy fluff so that the rest of the laundrey will not be ruined.
Step 8: go outside and vigorously shake out as much fluffy stuff from the clothes (onto the deck) as possible. It feels like a very strange, hostile snowfall, and passersby and neighbors seem concerned. Lay clothes on a chair and troop back inside to deal with the dryer (also to avoid stares of concern from aforementioned passersby.)
Step 9: Get down on your hands and knees with new clean damp washcloths and start scrubbing the soggy fluff out of the dryer. shovel handfuls out of it into a trash can, trailing soggy fluff residue onto your previously-somewhat clean kitchen floor. weep. this will never end.
Step 10: Go back outside, put the slightly-less-soggy-and-fluffed clothes into yet another clean laundrey hamper and drag it inside. Dark wash jeans look like they got into a nasty fight with a long-haired poodle with dandruff. This is not good. weep some more. it's okay, just let it out.
Step 11: proceed to wash by hand every article of clothing from the fluffy/soggy/evil laundrey basket of doom. with your own tears mixed in. realize that it is now cooling off outside and the clothes are entire too soggy and drenched to be dried outside, and will also take eternity (and shrink to fit an American Girl doll) to dry in the now-clean dryer. weep some more.
Step 12: check the washer now that it is done washing itself. shed a few more tears when you realize how much higher this month's water bill will be. wipe out the last remaining shreds of evil horrible soggy fluff and throw the clothes in, realizing that the spin cycle will spin the excess water out of these stupid horrible clothes and we might just be on the way to fixing this whole mess.
Step 13: sit on the couch, drink a glass of water, and wish it was a margarita.
Step 14-Step One Zillion: process to get back up, sweep all remnants of evil soggy fluff (which has now been determined to be a kleenex box due to a tell-tale plastic wrapper and the pattern on cardboard pieces) from the porch. traipse back inside, and vacuum all signs of this whole ordeal from the living and dining room, and sweep it from the kitchen.
Step: Eighty-Four-Thousand: throw the clothes in the dryer, no longer caring if there is fluff on anything, immediately walk around the house and hide all boxes of Kleenex from sight as they are now repulsive, make a pot of chili, and sit back down.
But the question still remains.
HOW DID A BOX OF KLEENEX END UP IN THE WASHING MACHINE?
Furthermore...how did I not notice?
